Today

Today, it's hard.
I do not want to deal in metaphors and similes.
I do not want to deal in smiles and pleasantries.
Walking home from her house, I lost myself.
Or maybe I lost myself at 8 years old,
digging that hole to hide treasures I never had.
Not today.
I do not want to deal in alliteration and hyperbole.
But sad songs of lost love punctuate this line.
I spend all day in my head looking and trying.
So if answers lie within, why I could not find her
how I could not find me?
A swift glance at lost and found and
a quick search in bulkiest dictionaries
could not define me.
There are so many walls I could not breach.
Trapped inside my mind and outside her heart,
I did not expect myself to be.
No, I beg, not today.
I do not wish to rhyme.
Did I really not drown that June and
did I really not forget the voice of that
10 year old friend I never saw again?
I rue the affection I could not get
from myself and from

I said today, it's hard.
I did not want to write today.

Balance is an afterthought

Tempest nature of these shadows

Temptresses her way into the yin

Grey suits with gold bows,

My temp dresses.

The world passes her,

On a wallowing wheelchair

Turning open paved paths,

Into impasses.

Hassles of a quiet mind,

Frequent floods and draughts,

Yank its way from latter letter,

Features of a watering hole.

Shallow afternoons of this wintery weather,

Hanging my coats and hat to a little too left,

Balance is an afterthought.

File drawer

Here's the thing I'm longing for:

I try fixing my mind sometimes
Crumpled up memories
Salts and smells and honey and broth
Instinctual avoidance of miseries.
Fix my mind defaced
by these cracks by these
silent somber earthquakes.
Fix so my second breath
does follow the first.
So my dancing fingers stop
beating the drum and hum
of indistinct melodies leave
my lonely thoughts alone.

Remember how we used to
long for this throbbing rain.
I left my papers in these files
disordered and left the drawer
disjointed and jumbled in its natural state.
It stirred and simpered my longing today,
the thunderstorm.
will it tomorrow