If I could fall in love again

If I could fall in love again

Make it a part ocean spray

I promise to learn how to swim by then

Until then, give me just a tinge of you 

Just kiss sweetened salt to taste.

If I could fall in love again

Make it a part these winter skies

I don't care whether it's day or night

Hours and years spent at them

I still do not recognize. I know love

you offer help, but I'll get by.

If I could fall in love again

I'll keep a roll of band-aids close

and check the temperature of water tap

and try to love you step-by-step.

If all fails, I can always write another one of these and can only hope that my ink isn't yet dry

Echoes

Echoes.

Of the nylon nets you cast

to try and search for golden trinkets

polished in soot

And through the yellow pages you flip and

the numbers you dial

to deliberately hang up on one name.

It exists as your diminishing sight

like all the colors your human eyes

will never see.

Echoes.

Of all the radio frequencies

you try to blur within

And the weakened pillars 

of your mind you try to paint

They stay upright and

tight-ly wound to your

blemished psyche.

Impoverished, like me

you try to get your

comfort back.

Like me,

you never had any.

Mademoiselle

Sometimes I wish
I couldn't smell how people smell
How her hair betrays her trust
and sends me a whiff of the sunset fruit.
While my mind betrays mine -
papaya was never my favorite.
Or how her neck still exudes
patchouli, orange and rose and she knows
why she probably chose that perfume.
Floral decadence is my fate and I hate
when strangers on the street
turn my head into a disappointment.
Or how still underneath all of these
she flaunts another, a deeper one.
One so personal it escapes her entirely
and beseeches my sole admiring seat.
Of which I know no other description
but earth and oil and human; just words.
Like heartless critics, they do her no justice.

Sometimes I wish
I couldn't smell how people smell
Would probably save me a world of hurt.
Sometimes I wish
I couldn't love how I love
Would probably save me a world of hurt.

This Part of Me

What do I say about this part of me?
That does not want to be me
That does not want to live in this house
That knows not it is better to be free.

It hides behind a smoky shade
Awake or asleep;
I do not care about these concrete stairs
That are hard on my feet
I only admire the blue in sky until
It threatens to seep into me.
Only at the sound of the first fallen leaf
I no longer if ever desire to meet again
This part forever bereft of me.

But this time, I say:
Wide open are my long locked doors
And here's the key to my property
And I say to you, worry not
If the bird in my cage no longer soars
And my being is wet from all that pours
If my part in this play isn't cast
on a stage that no longer lasts.

With no promises that I shall remain.

What do I say about this part of me?

You need not remember
On those forever stairs,
how I danced on my feet.
You need not wonder
Whether the blue in the sky
Is the same shade once a part of me.

Black 60 inside a red ring

Facilitations of the path ahead seem just fine.

Growing pains in surly times don't count for much and such are the traveling guidelines.

These street lights: dim and bright; all alike

as they are equally blinding.

Lost alleys still feel more comfortable than these highways and days feel shorter now.

True meanings of these street signs in foreign languages under empty skies, I still wonder. 

They must be helpful for their demographics.

Only comprehending numbers, it's a rocky road.

They probably describe how far I have come or how farther to go or neither.

Wish me some unsweetened charcoal luck as I might just find some places to go and I

might just find the traffic unstuck and since

'Highly motivated' is a requirement.

Today

Today, it's hard.
I do not want to deal in metaphors and similes.
I do not want to deal in smiles and pleasantries.
Walking home from her house, I lost myself.
Or maybe I lost myself at 8 years old,
digging that hole to hide treasures I never had.
Not today.
I do not want to deal in alliteration and hyperbole.
But sad songs of lost love punctuate this line.
I spend all day in my head looking and trying.
So if answers lie within, why I could not find her
how I could not find me?
A swift glance at lost and found and
a quick search in bulkiest dictionaries
could not define me.
There are so many walls I could not breach.
Trapped inside my mind and outside her heart,
I did not expect myself to be.
No, I beg, not today.
I do not wish to rhyme.
Did I really not drown that June and
did I really not forget the voice of that
10 year old friend I never saw again?
I rue the affection I could not get
from myself and from

I said today, it's hard.
I did not want to write today.

Balance is an afterthought

Tempest nature of these shadows

Temptresses her way into the yin

Grey suits with gold bows,

My temp dresses.

The world passes her,

On a wallowing wheelchair

Turning open paved paths,

Into impasses.

Hassles of a quiet mind,

Frequent floods and draughts,

Yank its way from latter letter,

Features of a watering hole.

Shallow afternoons of this wintery weather,

Hanging my coats and hat to a little too left,

Balance is an afterthought.

File drawer

Here's the thing I'm longing for:

I try fixing my mind sometimes
Crumpled up memories
Salts and smells and honey and broth
Instinctual avoidance of miseries.
Fix my mind defaced
by these cracks by these
silent somber earthquakes.
Fix so my second breath
does follow the first.
So my dancing fingers stop
beating the drum and hum
of indistinct melodies leave
my lonely thoughts alone.

Remember how we used to
long for this throbbing rain.
I left my papers in these files
disordered and left the drawer
disjointed and jumbled in its natural state.
It stirred and simpered my longing today,
the thunderstorm.
will it tomorrow

I Write

I write

For wet concrete blocks and

Empty park benches,

Of ugly winter sweaters and

Unsaid forgotten thoughts.

For limp leaves and bright socks,

Lukewarm hearts and filthy weather.

To fill blank pages and 

Lonely memory slots.

To drink down daily nights and

For faithless sanity's sake.

I prefer

Pouring bleach on blood stains,

Melancholic life over dream constraints.

Flatlands over magical plains,

Observing grey everyday.

I prefer 

Enduring tragedies over

Fleeting calamities.

Come ask me why.

I write 

Brimming grins over 

Yearning lives.

Come ask me why.

Digital Dirt

Love me more when I'm gone.

When you cannot see me at last, 

Living one thumb flick away.

When you can finally look past,

My insouciant nods,

My obnoxious quips.

All the wordless confessions 

That I could never give.

When you cannot find,

The picture that didn't exist.

But it seems, you are

Satisfied with that ode, hidden

In a pool of polemics.

Or when you cannot go back,

To the night that never was,

To the pause that wasn't filled,

Pity, nostalgia, unjustified regret?

Welcome to the hole in my chest

Write on those bluest walls and skies,

Some morning coffee powered lines.

Think of those vaguely false times,

You were laughing at my pleasantries.

Forget my misgivings and disguise

Our uneventful lives into a dream.

Be slightly saddened 

if you knew my name,

But shed the thought if it lasts 

More than a TV ad.

Love me more when I'm dead.

That's all the love I deserve.

Everything I hope to get.

I Wonder Why

I wonder why

They don't call me insane

Dreams flair then flicker then flop

Realities change, traffic lights the same

Some carry on and some just stop

I wonder why

The grand marshal's dead but race is on

Bold brick walls and smooth silk sheets Still could not hide the dawn

Every day I wake for this blunderous sun

Every day I smile. My mirror does not

I wonder why 

Ideal - A Haiku

Let's just hope we are

wrong this time - no, not you

Or me but - this world

Cut

Dreams alive 

"A hundredth time"

I lived today

I die tonight

I might

Act and dance and

then step down,

So I heard it's true,

A stage

Thank you 

For the lovely mornings 

I did not wake,

For the beautiful places

I did not see,

All those 

Summer faces faked.

I'm grateful for 

This perfect take 

Maybe with

A wistful face,

It has been a cloudy day

It has been a starry night 

My Arson

Empathy, a federal felony 

Keeping curtains closed, a crime 

Burn the bridge

Lock the door

There is no other side 

Keep your speeches short

They don't care,

Rusty men and microphones 

Kept it solemn 

Kept it sudden

Pages in epics,

Such betrayals 

I wish upon it,

The greatest misfortune 

Your bonfire 

My arson

A Perfect Life

Staying safe.

Keeping pace.

He has a knack

For thinking straight.

Grey checkered ties.

Grey gloomy eyes.

Beyond horizon line

He dares not stare.

Rope is taut.

Barrel's loaded. But

He needs no fame. Time

He does not waste.

A Blue ink spot.

On his white dress shirt.

He grins at it.

He keeps it there.

He does not care.

Begin

Some winds had never

Caressed these hairs so tight.

Some fires had never

Burned this rage so high.

Some hands had never

Seen such stillness so close.

Some skies had never 

Lightened up so bright.

I say 

So long to melancholy,

I wave you goodbye.

This world is not done

And neither am I.

Jack

You think of sea.

You think of rain.

I do too. Forever Jack

Wits so great.

I too find gold.

But just too late. Forever Jack

Workable luck.

Loveable self.

Bearable pain.

For kings alone. Forever Jack

Take these tears.

I never use.

All these trades.

Learnt but you. Forever Jack

Your Things And Mine

The brick that fell that day,

A pavement broke, good morning again.

I carry a bag of faces like you;

Guess which one I'm wearing today.

Guess again.

People live, people die;

The world denies, my daily suicides.

I laughed today at your pathetic lies;

To tell you the truth, all comedians cry.

And the winter breeze passed me by,

They still neglect me,

The tower of lights, the swirling tides.

Strings snapped, violin broke,

A verse left, a symphony nigh.

And break my bones, crush my heart,

My hopes, tear my limbs apart;

Still I'll carry you till the very end.

Loyalty, it's not. Nor love, my friend.

Say hello to my nonchalance.

Take me away, to a newer sun;

My old one is getting cold.

And take away everything I own,

My beige grass, my greying clouds.

And strip away this world of hope.

Everything is lost, lost is hope?

A brick fell, a pavement broke.

Look to the right, it's night 

And everything is found

Under that rug we stole.

Towards that Fork

I dream that I 

Am walking through,

Sullen woods with autumn trees.

Yellow september light, yellow leaves,

yellow. Through Mellow trees.

Walking through rocky streets.

Blissful, calming memories?

I dream that I-

I do not dream.

So pray tell, snowy night.

I missed the train, I see one light.

Care to share with me?

So pray tell, December moon.

Where are those beautiful,

beautiful awaiting miseries?

Ones you promised me.

So pray tell, winter frost.

I see no crossroads. Apologies.

I see no ways through. Apologies.

Won't you take again that road with me?

We Are Stardust

Let's become, my love

Whatever we wanted to be.

From the gases of pure creativity;

We are clouds

Let's meet again somewhere inbetween,

Returning from the edges of infinity.

Being in the same cluster, someday;

We are galaxies

Take my hand, let's dance,

Until we burn everything in sight.

Masquerading for eternity, let's collide;

We are giants and dwarves 

Hold me tight, explode with me,

And spread our reach till ubiquity.

Let's become those wonders again

That we always were;

We are stardust